I Almost Do
by purebloodragdoll
Summary: REPOSTING STORY: Just a short letter of Shiho for Shinichi.


**Author's Note: REPOSTING STORY: **I'm the type of student who does her projects or assignment while listening tomusic, so as my playlist shuffle and started playing Taylor Swift's I Almost Do, this random story entered my mind. So, during my break time of 30 min's I wrote this! Hope you got the meaning and enjoy it.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Detective Conan/Case Closed.

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**I Almost Do**

The most painful thing that a person can feel is not being able to be by their lover's side, to whatever reason it may be; shallow reasons or not, it gives you the uneasy feeling when they are not by your side, and to no avail, I'm one of those people who wished and pray to be with someone they really love…

But, in my case…it's impossible.

The moment, I said "goodbye" to him; I made sure that he'll be better off without me.

I made sure, that after I hurt you in ways that no one could ever imagine, there will be someone who's better than me to catch you. After all, isn't she your dream girl?

I can still remember that day, like it was yesterday; the day when I drew the line on our relationship, no matter how happy you are with me, no matter what promises you've made to me, no matter how I trusted you with those words, I know I can't be with you.

I'm just a girl, passing by.

Your friends, parents, Hakase… they always made it to a point to tell me what you've been up to. How you always sit by the window chair after a long hard week and that sometimes you voice out, wondering about me.

Every time they tell me news about you, my finger itch to dial and call you, my feet wanted to run after you. It takes all my will power not to do all of it, because I almost do.

I want to tell you the truth.

But there are things better left unsaid, right?

When I said those cruel words, that I don't love you and I'm just playing with you after a passionate, romantic night, you must've believe me, I don't know why you didn't press on the matter and you just left me like that after a short argument, but it must've broke your heart.

Or, you already know what's wrong with me and you're just respecting me wish and space.

But, that is not you… You're a stubborn, weird, clueless death magnet.

I asked.

All they said was according to you, "If she's happy that way, who am I to take it away from her?"

I must've changed you a lot to.

On the first week after that goodbye, you still keep on messaging, calling, reaching out to me, but not once did I ever reply. I almost laughed when you theorized that I moved on or that I hate you… How can I hate the man I ever love?

Didn't it occur to your great mind that I can't say hello and risk another goodbye?

You must be wondering why it has to end.

Because, all good things must come to an end… especially on my case.

I'd rather have you happy with someone else than have you pining over a useless woman, like me.

As I look back on the days we've spent together, on the sleepless night we spent lying side by side, on the cheerful afternoons on the riverbank or even the dragging morning, I almost do call you and run back to you.

This is a big mess I made and I need to cope up with it. I always dream you're with me touching my face and asking me if I want to try again with you.

And I almost do.

Still, you deserve the truth…

You see, for weeks before I end up things with you I went to a doctor… there, he told me after some tests that I have Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis, it is a rapidly progressive, invariably fatal neurological disease that attacks the nerve cells (neurons) responsible for controlling voluntary muscles. In ALS, both the upper motor neurons and the lower motor neurons degenerate or die, ceasing to send messages to muscles. Unable to function, the muscles gradually weaken, waste away, and twitch. Eventually the ability of the brain to start and control voluntary movement is lost. Individuals with ALS lose their strength and the ability to move their arms, legs, and body.

I don't want to be a burden to you so I didn't tell you.

I decided to say goodbye, so I can leave the world knowing that I gave you time to cope up with it. Well, I know I'm just fooling myself, when I tell myself you're better off without me, but behind all the prayers and wishes that I want to spend the remaining days of my life with you, I'd want you to move on early, it pains me to see that I would be the forever reason of your pains.

I can feel my last days are coming near, so while I can still move my fingers I wrote this letter; I want, once again to feel your arms around me even if I wouldn't feel anything, I almost do all the things I want to do with you but due to my sickness all this is all I can do.

I'm sorry for hurting you.

I love you.

I hope in the future, even once you'll remember me.

I always dream you're with me touching my face and asking me if I want to try again with you.

And I almost do.

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**A/N: **I don't know if anyone of you, got the point of this short story but this is just some randomthought I really want to write. Rate and Review.


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